You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
