Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
