I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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