My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
