You're my little dorito
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize