I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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