I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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