apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
