they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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