maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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