Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
