He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
