Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
