can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
