I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
