i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
