i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
