wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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