Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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