YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
