When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
