My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
