he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize