you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
