Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
