talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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