I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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