My room smells like vodka and shame
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
