Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
