Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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