i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
