please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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