When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
