You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
