I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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