hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
