yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
