Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
