I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
