We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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