thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
