Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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