I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
