this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
