If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize