you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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