On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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