No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
