I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
