New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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