i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
