why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
