Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
