How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
