Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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