I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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