the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
