I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
