we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
