Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
