I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
