No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
God I need to hump something, right now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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