Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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