whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
