I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
