So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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