In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize