My first STD was from a foam party
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
