Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
