It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
