bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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