JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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