last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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