Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize