Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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