I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
