i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
