That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
