everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
