he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
