The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
