i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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