Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
