tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize