I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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