im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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