Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
