I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
