Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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