I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
