I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As shirtless as possible
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
