you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
