my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
