piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
