Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
