Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
