Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
