I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
