talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
