I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
