At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
