1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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