Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
