Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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