I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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