There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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