yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love having hate sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize