I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
