Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
