I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
