just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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