You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize