He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
