good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
